101 Possibly Interesting Things about QuietGorilla

QuietGorilla('s) ...

1. Was born and raised in Montreal, Quebec, Canada
2. Is bilingual
3. Has lived in St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada for nearly 20 years
4. Now has trouble remembering how to speak French

5. Is the eldest of four children; two younger brothers and a baby sister
6. Is the smallest of the siblings (okay, my sister is smaller)
7. Is 6’1” and over 200lbs
8. Wears a 30” inseam, 34” waist, and 48 Tall jackets.
9. Is shaped like a Gorilla
10. Often sounds like a Gorilla
11. Sometimes smells like a Gorilla
12. Was born in the Chinese Year of the Monkey
13. Knows that Gorillas are not Monkeys

14. Studied Math, Physics, and Biology in college
15. Has a diploma in Criminology
16. Majored in Anthropology and Sociology and minored in Psychology at university
17. Studied Sociology in graduate school
18. Doesn’t like people or going out in public

19. Likes to talk
20. Talks a lot
21. Frustrates most people by talking too much
22. Used to be self-conscious about talking too much
23. Is often invited to speak publicly
24. Has been paid handsomely for public speaking
25. Doesn’t really care anymore if people think he talks too much

26. Taught Research Methodology at university for 3 years
27. Loves taking surveys
28. Couldn't answer the question, “Do you Rent or Own where you live?” for 14 years
29. Didn’t rent or own where he lived
30. Lived in accommodations provided by his employer
31. Lived on a university campus for 15 years
32. Managed on-campus student housing
33. Was trying to create a living-learning community wherein respect for oneself and each other is paramount
34. Is a socialist

35. Used to be Student Union President
36. Worked as the Executive Director of a NGO that works with youth at risk
37. Often compares consumer capitalism to the bubonic plague
38. Father retired as President of a multinational corporation
39. Younger brother owns a small business
40. Youngest brother has a PhD in, and teaches, Business
41. Has really, REALLY interesting family dinner conversations

42. Likes to tell ghastly stories at dinner
43. Most of the stories are from when he worked as the campus medical officer
44. Once transported a student to the ER with three fingers on ice … in a Ziploc bag … in his coat pocket
45. Likes to tell that story when his friends and family are eating hot dogs
46. Doesn’t eat hot dogs
47. Mother has never been bothered by these stories

48. Mother retired after 30+ years as a nurse
49. Mother practiced “tough love”
50. Mother believed she shouldn’t “molly-coddle” her children
51. Mother once made him walk on a broken leg for 8 hours
52. Thinks he is lucky, because his youngest brother was made to walk around with an inguinal hernia for 4 hours
53. Is accident prone; as are his siblings
54. Once fell through a plate glass door
55. Required hundreds of sutures to close his wounds
56. Thinks he is lucky, because his sister once knocked her nose off her face with the corner of the coffee table
57. Is grateful that his mother was a nurse, else he and his sibs would surely be dead by now

58. Sister is now a nurse
59. Aunts are nurses

60. Married a nurse
61. Wishes they weren’t married
62. Believes that marriage is an antiquated, patriarchal institution still used to enslave women
63. Believes in an equal division of labour
64. Does most of the cooking, some of cleaning, and all of the laundry
65. Partner cleans the bathroom, washes the floors, and does all the dishes
66. Has worked very hard to learn to refer to his spouse as his partner

67. Partner is a feminist
68. Once wrote a paper refuting the validity of a separate “feminist” methodology
69. Was ‘skewered’ by Women’s Studies majors and feminists
70. Avoids the topic now
71. Runs away from most Women’s Studies majors

72. Partner is an avid runner
73. Is a reluctant walker
74. Honestly believes that once homo sapiens developed the technology to kill large predatory mammals we no longer needed the ability to run … away
75. Believes we have evolved beyond running

76. Believes we evolved
77. Was raised in a secular environment
78. Only entered a church for weddings and funerals
79. Has read widely about religion
80. Enjoys attending different church services
81. Is a secular humanist
82. Doesn’t expect any God to strike him down with lightning

83. Has been electrocuted more times than he can remember
84. Believes that multiple electrocutions may have possibly affected his memory
85. Doesn’t know why he can’t remember to turn off the main power when fircking with electrical wiring

86. Likes using local colloquialism like “fircking”
87. Is verbose and loquacious
88. Likes using “big” words like colloquialism, verbose, and loquacious
89. Thinks he is witty, or at least funny
90. Partner doesn’t agree

91. Partner is very funny, not in the “ha ha” manner, but in a witty, sardonic way
92. Is often the focus of her humour
93. Takes it all in stride

94. Is an eternal optimist
95. Has decided that his partner is a catastrophist
96. Partner regularly accuses him of espousing utopian idealism
97. Believes that it’s better than her pessimistic miserablism

98. Believes that opposites attract and that birds of a feather flock together
99. Likes to mix and mangle metaphors

100. Believes that, like a good meal and all good things, this post must end
101. Knows that that is a simile and not a metaphor …

Of SUVs and Rationality

I have noticed an interesting trend in this city recently. It appears that there are more Hummers and similarly large and expensive SUVs driving around town than six years ago. This troubles me because try as I might, I cannot find one rational justification for anyone to own a Hummer. I will be honest and admit that I am open to the possibility that there are some very legitimate reasons for someone to have such a machine, but I cannot think of them. In fact, even the one possibly valid rationale, that these vehicles are larger and sturdier than passenger cars and therefore are significantly safer for the occupants, has just been refuted.

Towing the trailer, moving the furniture, carting the children to the soccer game, or tearing that old stump out of the lawn can surely be accomplished by more modest, more eco-friendly, and more fiscally responsible machinery than a $60,000 truck.

So I offer these thoughts in hopes that anyone who is considering buying a SUV might change their mind. Stop. Think rationally. You don’t need it. You just want it. You want it because you have been brain washed by clever marketing into thinking that owning such a vehicle is a valid representation of your wealth, worthiness, and/or social status.

In fact, owning a large expensive SUV really means you can’t think rationally, you don’t care about the environment, you don’t care about the depletion of the oil reserves and the rising cost of fuel, you don’t care about the safety of your passengers and family, and you are easily manipulated by the auto industry.

So please, open your mind, not your wallet, before you hand over the average annual income for a whole family in exchange for 6400lbs of steel and plastic.

QG